I didn't know I loved you..

I just feel overridden with jealousy. I've never felt this way before, never this way about anyone. And I just don't get it. How could I feel this way about someone that I've only just met. It makes no sense.

I found out he has a girlfriend and now I just want him all to myself. When I found this out, I felt as though I had been pulled out of my dream world and into reality, a dreadful, depressed world filled with sin. It's weird. It's like suddenly a part of my heart was gone. There is a hole, some thing is missing. Does this make me greedy and petty and jealous? Or is this a normal feeling when you fall for someone? I'm so confused and I need help, I need someone who understands.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I just want to break down? It's like I'll always be the friend and I don't want that! I want to be more than that. I want to be able to hug him and kiss him and be his. I want to be able to make him laugh, I want to make him smile. I want to be able to say I love you. I want to be able to say I will love you forever and always. I can picture what life would be like and it's how I've always imagined my life. He fits right in perfectly and I don't know what to do next.

What as I supposed to do? I can't just tell him how I feel. That's crazy, he already has someone else in his life, someone he loves? I could never end that, to be the girl that ruined their relationship. He might hate me for that and I don't want to lose a friend. And I doubt he feels the same as me. Why would he? He already had a beautiful girl in his life. Why on Earth would be want me then?

I sit with him in class and it kills me. I want to be able to take his hand and hold it and have time freeze. Lost in that moment of pure bliss. I want it so bad, and yet it's just out of reach. Why can I never win? This sucks so much, I just want to cry. Cry until I can cry no more, until my eyes are red with pain and my nose burns with the touch of a tissue.

Sometimes I just hate my life. It just seems like nothing goes my way. Like life just keeps throwing me half ass opportunities. What did I do to deserve this? Why? I guess just loving you and hoping you notice me is all I can do. I just.. I didn't know I loved you..