Surviving Wonderland.

For a day and a half now I've had no water and my throat yearns for it's cool, crisp taste. I can't remember the last time I ate something other then dried Kaen berries and preserved fish wrapped in Seymon leaves.

I walk across the bone dry desert, I hear nothing but Poreus birds above my head circling around and around. The beat of their giant wings and high pitched squeals make me want to stab at my ears. But I haven't decided what is worse yet, their sound or the fact all I can see for miles is wrinkled sand dunes. I think I'm going crazy. I have to survive though, I can't give up now when I've come so far.

Han said he would meet me at Hostera Sound three days from now but I don't think I'll make it in time. Or whether he'll make it there alive. I hope he is alright. I managed to make it out of the fight with minimal injuries, the most severe being a half inch deep cut on my arm. But he protected me, All I can imagine us the hooded warriors circling around him. I just hope he's there, he's the only one I trust and with all my family gone, he's all I have left.

The Way You Made Me Feel

Those big, warm brown eyes,
Every look took me by surprise.
Or the stubble on your chin,
How it all made my head spin.
First it was no big deal,
The way you made me feel.

We were friends,
Trading paper and pens.
We hung out everyday,
And I never thought you would fade away.
You followed me around like a puppy dog,
And all my feelings were in a smog.
Did you like me?
So much uncertainty.
Then you changed,
And became estranged.
Over night, you were done with me,
I felt so uneasy,
Where would I go?
Feeling so low.
I don't know why you did what you did,
But like tires on ice, I started to skid
Out of control and helpless,
I will never have any success.

Now when I see your face,
I wish I could erase
Those big, warm brown eyes,
Every look that took me by surprise,
The stubble on your chin,
And all that made my head spin.
At first it was all no big deal,
But now I hate the way you make me feel.

Ever feel like you're drowning?

Ever feel like you're drowning? You're swimming in uncharted waters. There is no where to go, only water for miles and miles. Now you're underwater, being dragged down, flipped and shoved by the water. You look up, down, side to side and all you see is darkness. You're disoriented and confused. Which way to the light? You need air, you are drowning. Lungs burn with fear. Where do you go? What's your next move? Will anyone really notice? Does anyone really care? Things start to go blurry. You start to lose control. You're legs stop kicking, arms stop treading. Sinking to the ocean floor. You lie there watching through blurry eyes, bubbles floating up. You have a last moment of clarity and imagine you're looking up through clear blue water up at the shining sun. But that's gone. Laying there motionless you see the last bubbles flow out of your mouth and into the cold, dark oblivion. You are gone.

I didn't know I loved you..

I just feel overridden with jealousy. I've never felt this way before, never this way about anyone. And I just don't get it. How could I feel this way about someone that I've only just met. It makes no sense.

I found out he has a girlfriend and now I just want him all to myself. When I found this out, I felt as though I had been pulled out of my dream world and into reality, a dreadful, depressed world filled with sin. It's weird. It's like suddenly a part of my heart was gone. There is a hole, some thing is missing. Does this make me greedy and petty and jealous? Or is this a normal feeling when you fall for someone? I'm so confused and I need help, I need someone who understands.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I just want to break down? It's like I'll always be the friend and I don't want that! I want to be more than that. I want to be able to hug him and kiss him and be his. I want to be able to make him laugh, I want to make him smile. I want to be able to say I love you. I want to be able to say I will love you forever and always. I can picture what life would be like and it's how I've always imagined my life. He fits right in perfectly and I don't know what to do next.

What as I supposed to do? I can't just tell him how I feel. That's crazy, he already has someone else in his life, someone he loves? I could never end that, to be the girl that ruined their relationship. He might hate me for that and I don't want to lose a friend. And I doubt he feels the same as me. Why would he? He already had a beautiful girl in his life. Why on Earth would be want me then?

I sit with him in class and it kills me. I want to be able to take his hand and hold it and have time freeze. Lost in that moment of pure bliss. I want it so bad, and yet it's just out of reach. Why can I never win? This sucks so much, I just want to cry. Cry until I can cry no more, until my eyes are red with pain and my nose burns with the touch of a tissue.

Sometimes I just hate my life. It just seems like nothing goes my way. Like life just keeps throwing me half ass opportunities. What did I do to deserve this? Why? I guess just loving you and hoping you notice me is all I can do. I just.. I didn't know I loved you..

Life is a Female Dog

You know, life has it's ups and downs, and you just have to learn to go with the flow but it's not always that easy. I just feel like my whole life is up in the air, I don't know what I'm going to do next, I'm confused.

It just seems like everything is happening at once. Like to start, my father could be moving just a two hour drive away.. or could be moving 4 provinces away. And this really sucks. My sister and I have been looking at houses with him, locally.. well sort of locally, and I just don't want him to move away. My parents have been divorced for 5 years now and I've always expected him to move away because he hates this city so much. We were the only things keeping him here but four provinces away is crazy! We'd never get to seem him. My dad is the one person that understands me and sees thing from my point of view. I don't know what I would do without him.

On top of that, we have these stupid meetings at school. They're this one-on-one meeting with just you and a Counsellor or one of the Vice Principles. You're supposed to talk about what your plans for the future are, what you want to be, what you are going to go for school, blah blah blah. This especially sucks for me because I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. I'm only 17 for god sake! I shouldn't have to choose my career path, what I want to do of the rest of my life at 17. This is insane! In 10 years time, I will be a completely different person, a more mature person with a very different view on life, who is in a much different place. What if I end up hating what I do? This just isn't fair.. You know what? I'm going to be a homeless bum or better yet, marry rich. Hey, and if the marriage fails, I will just live off alimony checks! All my problems are solved... just not really..

I wish I had some sort of talent, like being able to sing or something. I could be famous (which I know is a ridiculous idea, but go with me for a second) and make tons of money and help out all my family and friends. That would be my ultimate goal: to make sure all my family and friends were happy and comfortable.

And I'm still just so confused.. What do I like to do? What is something I could enjoy for the rest of my life? God, I know I don't want to go into sciences or medical. I love music, and photography and film, I love being creative and working with others. Like right know, I'm working on a song with a friend for her music composition class and I have to say, it sounds really good. It's crazy! Or at least I think it is so far, I'm the only one to hear it other than her. You know what I love to do? I love to take someone else's idea and make it perfect, make it come to life. I've really considered going into something like music producing..

Anyways, this hasn't really help me with much but I hope that maybe it helps someone else. I'm still lost, I still don't know what I want to do with my life and knowing me, I'll probably never know. Just watch me be 80 years-old with all my teeth falling out and I will be sitting in my rocker still confused... but that will probably be because I have dementia or something. Gaaaah, life is a female dog and she obviously doesn't like me. *bangs face on desk*

Sincerely, Confused Anna.

OMG I'm a HUGE dork...

Since I posted my first blog, I've had eight page views! Lame, right? Ya I know it's not that many and you guys might not be reading my blog but it's pretty exciting for me. People who I don't know are reading what I have to say. It kind of makes me feel real, it's like I really do exist in this huge crazy world, that what I say impacts the world in some way. It's actually a little bit scary. So if your reading what I have to say, could you please leave a comment or something letting me know what you think, how it was, how I can improve, etc. That would mean the world to me! Thanks for reading :)

You never forget your first..

Well if you're reading this, you've obviously found my first ever blog. So Congratulations! :)

My name is Anna Snow and I'm from Vancouver, Canada. I've got one more year of  High School left and can't wait for it to be over! What I'll do after I graduate... well I don't know quite yet. I'm the oldest of two girls. My sister, let's call her Maria, is almost 12-years-old and I wonder where the time has gone. I love her to death but sometimes I just wanna kill her. Like could two people be such opposites? I like one thing and she hates it, and vice versa. It can be extremely frustrating sometimes but I can't be the only one that feels this way,right? There's seven  billion other freaking people on this planet for goodness sake. 

So boredom,  the power of the internet plus needed stress relief all combined together, and a blog was born. You shouldn't expect anything regular, not to sound ditsy or anything, but I do forget easily. School takes up most of my time anyways. Whatever free time I have is mostly spent scouring the internet for God only knows or reading my favourite books. Oh NO, I sound a little anti-social. I promise you I'm not, I have lots of friends and I know who are my real friends are. I've got probably 5 friends that I know will anyways be in my life. I can picture it, we'll all be sitting on the porch reminiscing in the old day, about when we were young. Two out of those five, I have known since the first day of kindergarten and I'm simply baffled that I have stood by these two people for the last... well, 13 years on September 4th. Crazy, just crazy.

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. All I'm trying to say is that I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed making it. And I know I'm a little bit crazy and not that I'm expecting others to read this, but I want you, the reader, to see how I see the world.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand"     -Albert Einstein